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Welcome back, come in, come in. Good to see you again.
Please have a seat and take a load off. Yes … the commercial
crackhouse that is the World Wide Web does tire one so. Honey! … The
guests are here. The coffee is brewing and should be ready momentarily
… oh, but … please don’t do that to the cat, … she doesn’t like it.
We had a wonderful weeklong excursion to the Beehive State - land of
stone, sand, sun, dry canyons and watery beer. The goal of the trip
was to take a break from computers, car alarms, erectile dysfunction
ads and bathing to explore a few of the well known and lesser known
slot canyons in the area. |
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Did you know "Utah" was named after the Utes (an
American Indian tribe) and means people of the mountains? Not sure why
they went with the name Utah and not Uteberg or Utesylvania, but there
you go. According to the Utah State Board of Staggeringly Boring
Statistics (the USBSBS), the state is 84,900 square miles and is the
11th largest in the US (by size) and the 34th largest (by population).
Whatever. |
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A man who needs no introduction. What? You’ve been
living in a cave / have just awakened from a decade-long coma / have
recently escaped the smoking crust of the future planet Earth by
traveling back in time? Well, if that’s the case, let me introduce you
to Ram (a nickname of course), the noted canyoneer, outdoors
enthusiast, guru and alpine climber. Ram has a passion (though
clinically it’s more of a personality disorder) for NARROW
places. |
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Speaking of which … we drove half the night to arrive
at camp and catch a few hours of sleep in time to visit this narrow
place the first day of the trip which goes by the name of Shenanigans. The wet suit is worn as much for it’s
buffering properties as for warmth. Sandstone is quite rough on the
skin, having many of the same abrasive properties as Dr. Phil's
personality. |
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| Soft lighting makes for a nice
picture. |
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Some say the ghost of Ramfest’s past watches over and
provides guidance to all canyoneers with pure hearts and bitchin’
stemming moves. Others say the ghost of Ramfest’s future brings doom
and affliction to those who would deface these canyons by placing
artificial anchors. |
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Actually, I thought this was one of the most compelling
photos of the trip. I won’t claim the colors represent what I saw with
my eyes at the time (cameras, ccd’s and film simply capture light
differently than the retina), but the photo was not digitally altered
in any significant way. |
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Let me introduce you to Denise, another of the
canyoneers joining us for the trip. I appreciate having folks along
that will patiently pose for my photos. Posing is a necessity in low
light conditions; otherwise everyone comes out as a blurry ball. My
favorite canyoneering partners are all posers. |
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The defining characteristic of the canyon is that it
is VERY narrow. Chest constrictingly narrow. Many a brave hiker has lost
their cool when presented with narrows so tight it made it impossible
to even turn their heads, let alone breathe comfortably. Others have
simply retreated. I don’t blame them, it’s very disconcerting.
Squeezing, scraping and pushing are required by most to fit through
these tight spots. I am pleased to report that I made it through …
though I pee’d my pants a little. |
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The canyon ended in a scenic rappel into a pretty
alcove. |
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